I Am Soap Scum (Goo told me not to denigrate myself by calling myself scum so Boo said to add "Soap" to soften this title)

I should have been doing my job. (Despite what some of my pals suggest, I actually do work.) Instead, when I became frustrated with an item I couldn’t figure out, did I do the logical thing like asking for help from my boss (sorry Pablo)? Did I take a short break? Did I look at painfully adorable puppy dogs? No, I opted for the “Odd News” section in Yahoo News and saw this dreadful headline - Teen compacted in Wis. garbage truck, survives - which was all about this poor kid who, while attempting to escape some sort of quasi-military school, nearly killed himself in the process. Instead of immediately feeling sympathetic for this unfortunate soul, mean-spirited synapses activated in the darkest crevices of my brain and I instantly thought of Omar Sharif getting compacted in his car in 80s (should-have-been) classic, Top Secret.
Wow, my blogging contribution really is honest-to-goodness procrastination.