It’s like Florida and those Chads all over again only in this case Florida is Dancing with the Stars and Chad refers to Chad Ochocinco, who although isn’t even on this season, much like Brandy last week, just fell short of the finals. And much like Brandy, Chad in his backstage interviews had a tendency to think that just because he worked hard, he was entitled to keep a place on the show.
Well Chad, Brandy, it just doesn’t work that way. I’m thinking nearly everyone who comes on the show works hard, and…shock and surprise, despite that hard work, sometimes, even if you are a great dancer, the vote comes down to who the audience finds most appealing.
So yes this may be a popularity contest and some people with lesser capabilities stay on for an unusual amount of time (anyone remember Master P?); however, that can ALSO mean it’s a contest wherein a less than popular contestant gets voted off despite better skills. Has no one considered this semi-final outcome may be far more of a Brandy/Maks backlash and less of tea party conspiracy? Instead of blaming Bristol, who more and more resembles rodeo-star-turned-endearing-dancer Ty Murray (in terms of improvement, endurance and down-to-earth charm), consider pointing some fingers at Maks’ über-petulant behavior over the past two weeks and Brandy’s consistently whiney attitude from day one.
These are annoying people
Even that little film last week, which was meant to show Brandy in a sympathetic light, wound up making her appear that much more unlikable, especially when comparing her to the others. It’s hard to feel sorry for someone who gets a record deal in infancy, a Grammy at prepubescence, takes an NBA all-star to prom and becomes a Cover Girl spokes model (for which we’re still stuck with her dumbass easy-breezy jingle).
I mean, we’re supposed to feel sympathetic because her subsequent albums didn’t do as well as the previous ones? Does that mean we should vote for every one-hit wonder that comes on the show?
Hmm, both danced with Maks...maybe we're misplacing blame...
Even that whole thing about Brandy’s being involved in a vehicular homicide didn’t have the impact I think she thought it would. Jennifer wound up stealing that thunder in a major way. As opposed to Brandy, Jenn wasn’t even driving, and was herself injured to such an extent she is still dealing with the repercussions today. And amazingly Jenn didn’t say anything about locking herself up in her room for three months and feeling sorry for herself more because people were being mean to her than the fact she inadvertently caused the death of someone else.
So yeah, Bristol may be in the finals more for her popularity than her ability, but I put it to you, even if Bristol wasn’t a contender, Brandy would have been ousted before the finals anyway due to people finally having their fill of the whiney twins.
WARNING: This blog contains content that may initially read as political opinion; and my mom, one of my faithful five readers, insisted that I make the following clarification before any of my left or right leaning siblings get too mad at me and things get awkward at upcoming holiday get-togethers:
I AM NEITHER ENDORSING NOR DENOUNCING ANY PARTICULAR PARTY (with the possible exception of the Whig Party but only because that name sounds like a fiesta for creepy bugs that hang around ears.) Get beyond the first paragraph below and hopefully you will see I am neither blue nor red tinted – just a neutral sort of pasty beige.
Despite my being wary of writing so soon after my last blog, since this will set an unrealistic precedent when it comes to my blogging discipline, I woke up this morning still angered by Tuesday’s election results and couldn’t help but vent about it here.
How I wish I was referring to the vote of Willy Wonka as most horrifying movie of all time. Or referencing the David Tennant/Doctor Who replacement election of ‘08. Incidentally, despite my initial misgivings about Matt Smith’s Doctor, I think he’s done a fine job even though I do think this past series wasn’t up to snuff…but I shall save this diatribe for another day. No I’m actually talking about real life political voting that took place for many Americans this past Tuesday, November 2, 2010.
Now I am going to do my best to keep my own political leanings out of it because truly this is not the point of what I’m about to say. What I am writing to complain about is the astronomical laziness on the part of our citizens to do their civic duty. Yes there was a huge turnout for a non-presidential year vote but just showing up unprepared to make conscientious choices is sort of like showing up at a gym, not doing any exercises and then complaining when you don’t see the results you expected. Seriously if you bothered to make the trip to the gym, why not do a pushup; likewise, if you’ve bothered to stand in line at your polling location for an hour, why not spend a modicum of prep time to know who you’re voting for before you cast your ballot?
There is simply no reason to vote straight ticket ever. Ever.
I know a lot of people out there are angered about the economy and unemployment and put the blame on every single incumbent; but the angry people are forgetting that many of those incumbents got their jobs after that last big election when “the other side” voted straight ticket in the same sort of misguided, knee-jerk reaction. It didn’t make sense then and it doesn’t make sense now; especially when you consider the fact that party politics shouldn’t even be an issue MOST of the time. Now before you start thinking I’ve gone off my meds by suggesting politics has no place in the election process, let me clarify the fact that when you’re electing judges, the last thing you should be considering is political agendas.
If your county is anything like mine, there were only fourteen offices up for grabs that dealt with decision-making that might be objectionable to one party or another. The rest of the seventy-three openings (yes 73) were for judges. And while I’m not naïve to think that justices never have political leanings, the bottom line is if these people are doing their job correctly you shouldn’t be noticing which direction they lean. In fact when I was doing my own research, I immediately took points off from candidates who answered their lifelong commitment to whatever party as the primary reason to why they should be elected.
The American Bar Association has this thing called the Code of Judicial Conduct which basically boils down to five rules governing the conduct of judges while they serve in their professional capacity. The first four rules have phrases like “integrity and independence,” “avoid impropriety,” “perform impartiality,” “minimize risk of conflict,” with the fifth one stating outright: “A judge or judicial candidate shall refrain from inappropriate political activity.” So it seems to me that every judicial candidate should be immediately discounted when their platform focus is party devotion rather than expertise in lawful and unbiased decision-making.
Anyone who’s watched Law & Order knows how important lawful and unbiased decision-making is. How many times did you see Sam Waterson give that shocked, “I just ate what” sort of expression whenever he’s repulsed by a judge’s blatantly prejudicial ruling.
I’m still perplexed as to why party membership is mentioned at all in judicial elections. But because it is and because of those dang straight ticket voters, there have been at least four (again in my county alone) extremely capable judges ousted while three coming in that have been cited for misconduct on numerous occasions. It’s not like we don’t have easy access to candidate info. You don’t have to go to a courthouse and scroll over every judicial ruling made by a particular candidate.You can, however, go to your local bar association’s web site and see judge ratings. Another great site is Courthouse Forum, where the general public, in addition to attorneys, can candidly post info and opinions about various local judicial issues and interaction. RateTheCourts.com gives you access to nearly 30,000 anonymous evaluation surveys of the nation's judges and judicial nominees. And while Project Vote Smart doesn’t have info on district judges, they do have vital non-partisan info regarding appellate and state Supreme Court candidates.
See, doing your homework isn’t that hard. Considering the fact that the right to vote is considered the single most important right granted to any American citizen (just ask any naturalized US citizen), people should take the entire voting process more seriously than just showing up, pressing one button and calling it a day. That’s kind of like cheating off of one guy’s test only to discover later he got a lot of answers wrong. Perhaps if we all spent the amount of time it takes to watch a few Law & Order reruns on doing a bit of diligent research, we could all become better citizens and feel happier with our decisions.
Well it seemed appropriate to acknowledge the two-year anniversary of this here blog, despite the fact that I haven’t really written in…well…nearly two years. But I swear to you, four readers that might be seeing these words, it’s not my fault. I was only just released from the mother ship. And no, they didn’t do any sort of alien probing. Don’t be so naïve, Four Readers. Just don’t get me started about what they do with used toenails and jello.
Now of course it is possible the whole alien thing was just a figment of my imagination (i.e. lie). There’s a possibility I haven’t written due to a drug-like induced haze from frequent youtube viewings of old In Search Of episodes - that theme music is about as hypnotic as it gets. Or perhaps I didn’t write because I’ve been ridiculously busy doing incredibly important things. All I know is that you must believe me, Four Readers, when I say I haven’t haven’t written because of laziness!
In any case, regardless of my extraordinarily good excuse for not writing (and after all the jello-laden, freakishly long Howard Hughes toenail clippings are swept under the rug), I thought seeing as I started this blog on election day 2008, and as I type these words in the wee early hours of election day 2010, nothing would suit the occasion better than my take on the vote. And I’m sorry if you don’t agree with me but I have always felt very strongly about this candidate:
There’s simply no question in my mind that in the vote of all-time scariest movies, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory wins hands down!
Perhaps not the vote on many people’s minds on an election day, but seeing as we just got over Halloween, this horrifying film has naturally been on my mind. Possibly TV programmers already realize Wonka’s traumatizing effect on children and that’s the reason I didn’t see this title among any of the usual TV Halloween fare this past Sunday. But make no mistake; this is the single most chilling movie in history. No, not the dopey remake. That one’s merely creepy in a sort of guy-with-toothless-smirk-at-bus-stop-with-hands-buried-deep-inside-own-pockets way. No, I’m talking about the 1971 version with Gene Wilder (seen in above picture, surrounded by Bavarian little people).
Now despite the fact that I believe Wilder deserved an Oscar nomination for his brilliant performance in the titular role, there’s no doubt that it’s a such a sinister performance, his own hair attempts to make a break from him at least three times during the course of the film.
My guess is the hair wants to flee before Wonka takes out himself and half the town via his obvious death wish. What death wish you ask? How about that glass wonkavator he’s never tested. Note the look of glee on Wonka’s face when he responds to Grandpa Joe’s exclamation of “but this elevator is made of glass, we’ll be cut to ribbons” with the word “probably.” Now try and remember that the film immediately cuts to a look of pure horror plastered on Charlie’s face. Then think about the fact that if Wonka’s never tested this whole wonkavator before, how the hell is he planning on landing it? Surely his wonkaremotes have a maximum radius before that glass tube winds up crash landing on some unsuspecting children playing in the street, spraying shards of glass and chunks of Wonka hair. And speaking of children…
Yes they may be a bit on the nasty side. Yes Augustus might be an unhygienic behemoth, Violet a nose picker, Veruca a diva with questionable taste in clothing, and Mike a lisping spitter. That still doesn’t seem reason enough for them all to meet with such dire ends, all with accompanying ominous Oompa Loompa singing. Moreover if your first experience with a little person is one with green hair, orange face and who shows up periodically to do things like squeeze children, I don’t care how politically incorrect it is, you’re going to be a little terrified. Worse still, the Oompas don’t seem the least bit phased by the horrific goings-on about them. Notice, for example, their presence on the boat. They just row like demonic versions of Campbell Soup cherubic icons without any reaction to seeing that centipede crawl across that guy’s face or the chicken getting decapitated all to the eerie strains of Wonka’s song regarding the Oompas questionable steering capabilities and general sense of direction. I wish I was exaggerating but all of this actually happens in the movie!
Then we’re supposed to take Wonka’s word that at the end of the tour all the kids have been restored to their normal selves. How do we know? We never see those kids again. Now think back when everyone’s in the inventing room and Wonka hurls a couple of soccer cleats into that melting pot. If we’re to believe that heretofore no one ever goes in or out of the factory, where on earth do you suppose Wonka picked up that footwear? My guess is he was inspired by that Uruguayan rugby team and made due with the people closest to his factory and THAT’S the real reason for the contest. I mean, why would Wonka be looking for an heir to the factory (the supposed reason for the entire escapade) when he was only in his mid-thirties anyway?
For all we know those cleats could have belonged to poor Augustus. Notice Augustus never makes it to the inventing room and who’s to say he didn’t enjoy himself some soccer when he wasn’t scarfing down schnitzel. It’s not like anyone bothers to look at Augustus’ feet when he’s stuck in the pipe. I bet you anything he was sporting soccer cleats!
By now I’m sure you’ll agree that Willy Wonka should have at least an R rating for disturbing imagery; but what seals the deal is the upsetting content towards the end of this “children’s film.” The entire ending hinges on Charlie’s bottomless stupidity. Before Charlie has even witnessed all the horrors of the factory with his own eyes, which in and of itself should have made him want to call the authorities as soon as humanly possible, Slugworth offers (in exchange for an everlasting gobstopper) financial aid to Charlie and his family, thereby giving Charlie’s four decrepit, dying grandparents a modicum of grace and comfort after all being stuck in the same rancid, pee-stained bed for twenty years. If Charlie had bothered to think about them for two seconds instead of returning the gobstopper in his sanctimonious and selfish sense of morality, he would have obviously made a beeline straight to Slugworth’s. The fact he doesn’t is probably the only reason Willy Wonka isn’t banned in this country.
If Charlie had actually done the right thing, the film would have been that much more soul-draining since at that point Charlie would realize that “Slugworth” was really Wonka’s assistant Wilkinson (who, since supposedly Wonka only hires Oompas, must in actuality be an Oompa with gigantism.) And since the real Slugworth hadn’t been trolling schoolyards for gobstoppers, Charlie wouldn’t be able to sell his candy, leaving him back where he started – bereft of money and anything other than cabbage water for sustenance. He would no doubt spend the rest of his days staring at that rotting gobstopper, resenting its mere existence.
Let’s face it; if you don’t think Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory is a horror movie there is something fundamentally wrong with you and I have nothing more to say about the subject. Now go out there and vote people!
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