Not Entirely Bah Humbuggy

Yesterday I was at the bank drive thru and the teller asked me through the scratchy sounding intercom if I had had a good Christmas. Mind you, this was two days after Christmas, after already having had to deal with Christmas sentiment since before Halloween, and more importantly I was in a bad mood and in a hurry – never a good combo for making chit chat through a scratchy intercom. So naturally I said the first Scrooge-ish comment I could come up with, “I don’t celebrate that particular holiday,” to which the teller promptly shut up and immediately sent my receipt hurtling through the drive thru pipeline.

It’s not that I categorically oppose Christmas cheer but in truth, I really do not celebrate that particular holiday. Now normally I am not as pissy about the situation but as I said, I was in a rush and I suspect the bank teller really didn’t care about my feelings on the issue, but rather said it just to make conversation.

This scenario has occurred many a time in my life (the Christmas scrutiny, not so much the being pissy with drive thru bank tellers) and since I am indeed a person who doesn’t celebrate Christmas, I’m often asked whether or not I have a problem with the onslaught of Season’s Greetings this time of year. And by season’s greetings I actually mean, “Are you ready for Christmas?” “Have you gotten your Christmas shopping done?” “What are your Christmas plans?”

There doesn’t seem much that’s actually seasonal or greeting about these types of questions. A season refers to any set but generally lengthy period of time, not merely one 24-hour allotment out of 365 days. A greeting doesn't usually end in a question mark.

I actually don’t really care all that much if people wish me a Merry Christmas but the Christmas interrogations are a bit intrusive. If you think about it, there are no other holidays in which people feel compelled to pry into other people’s (many times complete strangers – like those standing in front of you in the grocery checkout line) holiday plans. While it’s perfectly acceptable to hear general stuff about things like Mother’s Day and Valentine’s Day, rarely do you have to deal with people asking if you’re “ready” for these types of holidays, presumably because the Christmas Curious Folks, or CCFs, realize they aren’t insured a benign smile when they probe about these other occasions. The CCFs are fearful that a question of Mother’s or Valentine’s Day plans could provoke answers they aren’t prepared to hear. “My mother just died after a lengthy illness” or “I just found out my husband of 17 years has been sleeping with a series of young men.”

But as I said, I really don’t take issue with Christmas or Christmas revelry at all. Honestly, I love all the lights and decorations and festive food and drink. In fact I can’t comprehend why pumpkin pie is only allowed from like October to December. Eggnog, a beverage that may actually have been what the ancient Greek gods referred to as ambrosia, or drink of godly choice, has a tragically shorter "season" than pumpkin pie.

I can even handle the incessent caroling. I myself have an old Time Life Christmas Music album (yes it's just that old) that I have been known to break out even when the weather outside is not at all frightful. And apart from one song, with which I have enormous issues and will be a subject for a later time, I enjoy Christmas music heartily.

So essentially what I'm trying to say is I don't have one problem with people celebrating Christmas. I just think those same people ought to start dealing with the fact that I don't and stop asking about it. Otherwise I am so going to interrogate their Arbor Day plans next year and they better be ready!